Want to arm wrestle with me?

I like conversation. I like asking questions. I like wrestling with hard subjects.

For the last few weeks, I've been arm wrestling with biblical womanhood. Big topic. Big ideas. Some good. Some not so good.

How can biblical womanhood be bad?

You might be asking that.

I know I was. And I am.

A detour first.

Perhaps the greatest area of growth in my life has been changing my approach to hard subjects.

In my early twenties, I was a fighter. I had my battle gear on all the time.

In my early thirties, I am a ponderer. Now, I have my battle gear neatly tucked, but easily accessible in my closet.

So, as I give my thoughts life on this blog...I'm still pondering. I'm still wrestling. I don't have the answers. If you do...let's talk. I want to talk. I'll listen. and maybe we'll both learn.

Being the woman God has designed in me is good.

Following scripture is good.

But the MOVEMENT of biblical womanhood has taken on a different kind of life. A different kind of feel. It's taken scripture and created a cause.

Can biblical womanhood...the movement of biblical womanhood...be allowing legalism to seep into our lives?

Are we creating new boxes to check off? New ideas of "perfection" to strive for?

Oh the choir of voices in my head starts singing...

Lots of opinions.

Lots of words.

What do you think? What's good about biblical womanhood? What's not? How are we supporting the community? Could this just be a way to tear it down?

hmm...

I have some ideas. But it's hard to translate. Hard to put into words the language that I see spoken among women that uses no words.

I'm not ready to jump on the bandwagen. I am not ready to go into battle, yet.

A few months ago I was given a book by Debi Pearl. It's entitled "To Train Up a Child."

I read it.

And then I wanted to vomit.

In her book she encourages parents to follow God's way of training children. Using the rod.

She tells her faithful following very specific guidelines to use when selecting a rod going into detail about the length it should be...how big it should be.

She challenges us to having training sessions with our children.

One technique involves putting something the child desires in front of him. Tell him that he is not to touch it. When he does, firmly smack his hand with the rod. Continue this until the behavior stops.

This is a training session. It's not punishment. It's training.

Oh-kay.

Ok...here's the part that I can take away from Pearl's work. We should be training our children. Good behavior should be taught. This can't take the form of just punishment. We need to be encouraging our children and giving specific instructions to them about what is expected from them.

But...

Sometimes I think parents love spanking.

Really love it.

I think we can take pride it.

Whenever I'm with a group of moms and this subject come us, I'm dumbfounded. Almost always there is a chorus of sharing who spanks. Even as I type this, I should be clear. Scott and I spank our children. Well, Samuel. Reagan is...well...too little. But, when Sam reached a point that we knew he was doing things in open deviance...we began spanking him.

But - we don't always spank. Right now what is more effective is the "naughty spot." Our version of time out. Sam hates this and it works well to correct his behavior. It also allows him to literally 'take a break' from what he's doing. It's effective for him developmentally.

According to Perl, we should always spank. It's the form of correction God chooses. It clearly says so in the word, right?

Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his child, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

hmm...not so fast. Rod has multiple meanings and when it means that we should beat each other it's usually preceeded with a. In this text rod is metaphorical for discipline in general.

Spankings, time outs, etc are all included.

And I find myself going back to Perl. Perhaps I'm so offended by her instructions to parents because well meaning and good intentioned parents could inflict great physical and emotional harm onto their children if they took these instructions literally. And parents who choose not always spank could feel as though they are not fully submitting their disciplining techniques to God.

And all of this, I'm sure, is affected by my world view. I sit across from a lot of 20 something's and listen to them recall the experiences of childhood.

All in all...I see a lot of judgment. I wonder if this is what God had in mind.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not seeing the obvious. Maybe I'm overthinking this.

Biblical womanhood...like all things...should be tested. Should be questioned. And since this movement is created by people...we should not read it/believe it/use it as though it were scripture.

At least that's what I think right now!