Run to CJane

I love blogs.

I love to read. Blogs allow me to read some great stuff in a short period of time.

This is crucial when you are mostly reading when clients no-show appointments or between putting kids to sleep and passing out yourself.

I've been reading CJane and I love it. It's a thought creating kind of blog. Every day I snuggle up to my computer and I invite CJane on in for a moment.

Today she writes some wonderful stuff. I love her thoughts on womanhood...to me it's a beautiful summary of all things woman.

Don't walk...run on over to CJane Blog so that you can partake in this wonder. Be forwarned though...it's not for the weak. It will cause you to think. It might cause you to question. Like I said, it's the best kind of writing I know. I love it.

(I've added a button to my blog to help you find it)

31

In my head I am stuck at 28. When someone asks me my age, I immediately think "I'm 28." I have no idea how this happened, but it's true. In my imaginary world I will always be 28. But in the real world...the one with wrinkles and mineral based make up...I'm 31.

I am 31.

Wow and weird. Birthdays are times of reflection and I love to reflect. So, here's my life recap.

At 31 I feel like I am getting older. Like...I FEEL like I am getting older. I have wrinkles on my face, my hands look older, my butt is not in the right place and I've breastfed two babies which should tell you that nothing is in the right place anymore. I've been pregnant 4 times and carried two babies to term. My body feels tired at times and I think I know why.

At the same time I feel stronger. I feel more secure. Gone are the days of wondering who I am. Now, I know. I'm not sure that I always like that person, but at least I know who she is. I feel more confident. I have wonderful friendships with women that I talk to almost daily and some that I go months without talking to. I've become secure enough to end friendships that are not healthy and explore new ones.

I've grown to understand that some of the best things in life come from the most ugly circumstances. I've learned not to expect everything to work out.

I am a mother, but this is not my highest calling. I'm starting to get that now. Understanding that motherhood is not the "be all, end all" has helped me be a better mother. I love Sam and Reagan with all that I am.

I live in Texas. We talk about guns. A week or so ago a friend asked me if I could really shoot someone who might be trying to break into my home. My response was to ask if my babies were home. In her hypothetical situation she said yes. Without hesitation...yes...I would shoot someone. I would shoot someone; I would attempt to stop a moving bus; I would give my life. Literally, I would die for my children. Sobering to think about, but honest and real. Having children has given me a great understanding of God's love for me. No, motherhood is not my highest calling, but I feel so blessed to be called mom.

I am a wife. I once thought that I couldn't be a wife. The first time I tried it I let pride get in the way of choosing a husband. I had a legal certificate for marriage, but I didn't have a husband. My marriage to Scott has been healing for me in many ways, not the least of which is allowing me to move past the place of defining myself by my past. Scott encourages me to have the confidence to be bold and he challenges me to be authentic.

Sam planned a birthday party for me on Sunday. He was so excited and it was by far my happiest to date.

And I'm happy to report that my candles didn't set off the fire alarm. Here's hoping I have the same luck with 32.

Today

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup and have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

At the Park with Momma

Spring Garden

Sam went to Sulphur Spring a few weeks ago to spend some time on the "farm" with Nana and Pops and we used the opportunity to plant our spring garden.

It was fun to have Reagan for the weekend. She loved the extra attention from Mom and Dad.

Here's some shots from our adventure, maybe we'll actually get to eat some of the bounty from our garden later this summer.

Thankful Thursday

Turns out I killed the worms. When I freed them into the garden, I thought that I was giving them a new life. Unfortunately, worms do not enjoy gardens and I've sinced learned that I most certainly sent them straight to their death. This is an unfortunate situation, but pretty much sums up the last week for me.

Things have been going along, but my attitude has been sinking lower and lower. I'm suddenly acutely aware of the injustice around me. I'm feeling unsettled. I have been kind enough though to share this poor attitude with those closest to me. Well, I got a memo last night from those dear people. They are tired of it and frankly so am I.

I think I need a little gratitude. You know, a little dose of reality that things 'ain't so bad.

I'm a self confessed blog stalker. It's a weird obsession. For example, I met a woman once at a mom's event. We shared a decent conversation, but no friendship sparked. She did, however, share her blog address with me. Today I could hardly call this person an associate much less a friend. But, I can tell you what her 4 year old looked like when he blew out the birthday candles at his birthday party last Saturday night. This is weird and when I think about it always makes me want to switch my blog back to private, but I digress.

Gratitude.

I need a little gratitude.

The point of my blog stalker rant was to share that I see these 'Thankful Thursday' posts. They seem nice and maybe a good way of starting my journey back to me. So, I'm doing it. My first 'Thankful Thursday' post.

My first list:

• The weather has been GORGEOUS! We've had dinner outside the last few nights. The kids love it. I love it.
• I'm thankful that Sam woke up today on his own. We had time to get ready slowly for the day and everyone was happy when we loaded up the car.
• While today I hate my job simply because I'm in the mood to crawl under the covers and do nothing....I'm grateful that I work part time and that this work covers our health insurance. I'm grateful that this insurance is good and I don't have to worry about how we will pay for doctors visits.
• Even though I dislike how early my husband leaves for work, I'm grateful that he has work to do.
• I'm grateful for fresca.

There...a list. A shallow list, but a list. I wouldn't call it a good start...but it's a start. Perhaps you can see that I'm reaching. Maybe reaching out will be the first step in returning to a place of gratitude. Well, it's better than nothing.

Thoughts

We have ear infections. There are 8 ears in our house. Three are infected. Not good...not good at all.

Lots of holding and cuddling. Lots of calm words. Lots of pudding. When your ear is sick your tummy feels bad, too. So, you can eat as much chocolate pudding as you want. My 1 year old will take 2 please. She'd like them at breakfast, lunch and dinner. But we have standards. You can only have so much pudding before someone shows up at your front door and screams in "feed the kid a vegetable, will 'ya!"

It's warming up in Central Texas. Welcome Spring! We missed you. Don't stay away so long next time.

Sam's worms are still living, but I know they are suffering. Should I care about suffering worms? I don't. Should I feel bad about that? I don't.

I'm feeling creative. Planting the spring garden this weekend. That should help. I like writing fragments of sentences but putting a capital letter at the beginning and a period at the end. We should love fragments, too.

I hate rules. I have to work on that. My kids hate rules, too. I need them to like rules.

5 years of wedded bliss. Why do people say 'wedded bliss'? Truth is it's been wedded exciting, boring, wonderful, trying, empowering, fearful, 'hang on for dear life', 'can you believe we did that' and 'lets do it all over again!" Bliss is too simple and overly wonderful. Sometimes the most wonderful part of it all is hidden in the most awful part of it all. That's weird, isn't it? And this paragraph is weird and tragic with all the grammatical errors. Should I care about that? I don't.

Family Camping Trip

One of our family goals this year is to spend some time vacationing as a family of four. I have lots of great memories vacationing with my family growing up and it's weird and fun to think about making some of those kinds of memories with Sam and Reagan.

Our first adventure was camping. We went to Huntsville State Park and it was a great location. The kids, especially, had fun. Scott and I learned that camping with two preschoolers is anything but relaxing! That being said we can't wait to plan our next trip.

One of my favorite memories was the first night. Reagan woke up at 4 a.m. ready to play. Since we were all basically sleeping in the same room - everyone woke up. You can't do much at 4 .am., so finally we put on the Cars movie. Reagan fell alseep and the rest of us quickly followed her lead. It was the first time we've all slept together and it was a sweet memory.

I've posted some pictures to capture the good times.

The kids got to make a special bed out of the kitchen table in the camper. They love to play together. I hope this stage lasts for awhile!


Reagan munched on some diced ham while brother and Dad went fishing.


Sam learned a lot about fire safety. He loved roasting his hot dog for lunch.

We went swinging....

'

...and found this cute little thing wandering around the park.

We listened to a Park Ranger speak about alligators and Sam took a turn touching the baby alligator on display.

We went fishing again! This kid loves to fish. Mostly, he loves to pick out the fattest, juiciest worm to have Dad put on the hook and then cast his rod a million times until the worm falls off from dizziness. We'll never catch an actual fish with Sam's current fishing method, but he has a lot of fun. I asked him if I could have his worms for my garden. He said "no." He's currently keeping them in our refridgerator. He asks to see them every day. I wonder how long worms can live in the fridge?

We even tried out the timer on our camera. Reagan thought it was loads of fun watching Daddy running back and forth from the picnic table to the camper!

...and that's the first official Kenley Family Camping Trip!

Election Night

Waiting on the results....